what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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