I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.