do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.