my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Less talking, more tequila
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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