she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
