Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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