Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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