Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You're like the curious george of whores
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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