And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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