If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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