My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
