ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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