There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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