If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
