In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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