Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
