why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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