No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
