please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
