I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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