john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.