Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
