I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
