he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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