every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
