It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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