Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
