You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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