i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
