I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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