Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
