I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
