"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
