you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
