ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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