I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
