I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
COCAINE IS GR8
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
