so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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