Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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