i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
