I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
