Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
