i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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