I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
