Even the bartender felt bad for me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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