I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
