She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
