I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In America we eat man semen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
