...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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