alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
