Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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