i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
