phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
