Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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