It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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