38 yer olds are good kisserssss
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
