Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
