So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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