I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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