I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
