I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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