so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
